Senran Kagura: Peach Beach Splash (PC) Review

Those who are feeling kind of tl;dr at the moment, know this: Senran Kagura: Peach Beach Splash is not a good game. In fact, it's possibly even worse than previous entries, which ranged from decent to mediocre… and just plain problematic. That, however, has nothing to do with its pervy nature. Even if this was about sexless robots that had to fight each other in a dark and gritty setting, it would pretty much be the same. As mentioned before, this not a good game.

At its core, it's just another third-person shooter, which has you fighting simple mobs, or characters just like the one you're in control of. You run around, point a gun, shoot, and that's it. It won't win any awards for innovation, but how can it not be, at least, solid? Well, firstly, it's just doesn't feel very enjoyable to play, as the controls, while not broken, are quite stiff, taking a second or two before a girl goes from action 'A' to 'B,' reducing the fun factor in the process.

The next reason, which has almost become the standard flaw of products such as this, is the amount of extra "nonsense" - in other words, the "plot." Peach Beach Splash could really benefit from being more arcade-y, and wholly focus on the action. A few cut-scenes here and there would be more than welcome, but the amount of sequences where the girls talk about... stuff, are way, way too abundant, especially since these never even become funny, or, at least, naughty.

As for the game itself, it's a typical third-person shooter, with the only (sort of) difference being the fact that instead of machine guns, sniper rifles, or rocket launchers, the arsenal consists of water machine guns, sniper, rifles, and rocket launchers. This being a Senran Kagura instalment, it's possible to knock down a foe and activate 'Splash Chance' where you use your rubber ducky (not a sexual euphemism) to splash and undress the loser, but no additional bells and whistles besides that.

In conclusion, then, this is not an enjoyable ride. Instead of being a fast, third-person version of Quake III, but with busty girls instead of hardened battle veterans, robots, aliens, and demons, it's just a generic shooter with fan-service doing all the heavy-lifting - which, by the way, is not as titillating as one would expect from a Senran Kagura entry, which is definitely a shame. Some may use the "accept it for what it is" argument, but no, that's just a poor excuse.

As far as modes go, Peach Beach Splash offers a pretty disappointing variety. The reason is that, whether choosing to play a story chapter or have some online fun, the experience remains exactly the same. Sure, some stages in story mode offer some quirkier scenarios (washing a soap-covered giantess comes to mind), but nothing really changes gameplay-wise. In other words, this becomes repetitive way too soon.

What completely ruins everything, though, is the grinding. Take cards, for instance. These represent everything, from weapons, to the skills that can be activated in-game, and can be acquired by winning matches. These can also be used to upgrade your gear, but the amount needed to do so is too high. The same applies for the currency with which you can buy accessories or gallery items, as the prices range from 1000-to-2000 zeni, when most five-minute matches give away about 100-to-800.

Oh, but Senran Kagura: Peach Beach Splash lets you have... fun with its cast! There's a group of modes where you can pick a girl, dress her, have her pose for you, and even turn perviness to eleven by slapping, groping, and splashing her assets, and bring even more shame to your parents, their ancestors, and the first cell that appeared on this beloved flat Earth 4,000 years ago. Thus, it's not that bad a product, right? RIGHT? Anyone...?