Battle Tanx: Global Assault (Nintendo 64) Review

If there is one thing we love here at Cubed3 (apart from being the number one resource for gaming news and information!) its riotous explode-a-thons filled to the brim with oversized and overpowered futuristic tanks. Luckily for us, Battle Tanx: Global Assault provides us with exactly those requirements and has been doing so for a good seven years. At least it could have been if we hadn't discovered it mere weeks ago, anyway we digress. Global Assault (and indeed its prequel), take place in the 'futuristic' era of 2002 following a worldwide apocalyptic event in the form of a plague that targets only women (sexist or what?). With only a handful of women left, horny men the world over jumped into massive tanks and start fighting for their honor/ability to provide sexual favors.

Displeased with the actions of humans everywhere, Griffin Spade (you, the main character) and your wife Madison attempt to start a new peaceful civilization in America. However a crazy psychopathic woman who essentially owns Europe has other plans. Unfortunately for everyone else, said crazy woman (who created the aforementioned woman-killing plague) has telekinetic powers that she uses to convince her enemies to ally with her. Eventually she discovers that Griffin's son has similar powers and so she attempts to kidnap him before they he can fully develop them. This lures you and your wife out onto the battlefield once again as you try to defend yourself and your son from an onslaught of 'Tanx' in both the US and Europe. Phew, that required more explanation than you probably wanted to hear so let's move onto the game itself!

Game play is fairly simple in Global Assault; the analogue stick moves the tank back and forward and also rotates the turret. The Z trigger provides basic fire whilst B is used for scrolling through special items which can then be fired with the A button. This is essentially all you need to know for the majority of missions, which is great because it means you can focus on what really matters; blowing the b'jebus out of everything in sight. Contained within each level are a selection of buildings and hordes of enemy tanks (of varying type and numbers), almost all of which can be destroyed. Certain buildings have extra-strong foundations and won't falter no matter how long you lob missiles at them, but anything else will crumble to ruins with one shot and get pulverized completely with a second. This often opens up new areas to explore, more often than not filled with collectable power-ups as well as the occasional enemy.

Despite all your opponents being in tanks (with the exception of gun turrets) there is in fact a wide selection to confront as you progress through the game. Each tank has its own strengths and weakness' that must be appreciated if you are to exploit them successfully. For example, the Rattler is primed for speedy getaways whilst the Goliath is loaded with massively powerful ammunition and tough amour, but these attributes come at the cost of slower acceleration and top speed. All of the various tank designs are also available to you, the player, if you have enough 'Tank Credits'. As you progress through the single player campaign you will earn credits which can then be used in the following missions to buy new tanks. However, rather than a one off payment, players must buy a new tank at the beginning of each mission. By including this feature, developers limit the amount of missions that can be completed with the more powerful tanks and force players to use a variety of vehicles instead. Good for keeping things fresh, bad for boring people.

Choice of tank can dramatically change the way the game is played. None of the single player missions have been obviously designed to work best with a particular vehicle, leaving it entirely down to the players fancy. If you're anything like us you'll go for the bulkier more powerful tanks (like the Goliath) wherever possible, but that certainly isn't the only way to play (although we remain convinced that it is the most fun). Some tanks offer very unique experiences and shouldn't be shunned completely, even if you only try a mission or two with each tank it is well worth experimenting, you just never know what you might find. The Inferno for example is equipped with a beautiful flamethrower rather than a gun turret and the Hover Tank uses propulsion systems to boost around elegantly and can even hover over dangerous obstacles such as a mines. Unfortunately some of the smaller, lighter tanks can end up moving a little too quickly for their own good and can take considerable skill to keep under control. It's nice to have the variety, but it feels a little too un-tank-like for our liking. Each to their own, though.

Next up on the agenda are the various multiplayer modes that are included with the game, and there are a fair few! First up is the basic Deathmatch mode called Deathmatch... Up to four players can compete against each other to rack up the most kills in the shortest time; first person to reach the limit is the winner. Similar to this is the Tank Wars mode in which players have a whole team of tanks at their disposal and a grand total of three minutes to wipe amount as many opponents as possible, highest kill count at time over wins. Other than these there are three Capture the flag-esque modes of play; Hold 'em, Frenzy and Battle Lord. In the former a queen is placed in the middle of the map that must be rescued and then protected for a period of time before the match can end. Whilst Frenzy places the queen in a random location and players have to race to find her, first to ten rescues wins the match. Finally, Battle Lord is simply classic CTF action, only with a queen. Two bases, two 'flags', go!

Technically speaking, the game comes across as a little dated by today's standards, but for the N64 the visuals and effects are great. Explosions are huge and vary in size and shape. For example, when you blow up a building, each and every window flashes before the entire thing collapses in flames. Whereas the Inferno tank fires a huge surge of fire straight ahead causing enemy tanks to overheat and explode. Environments are occasionally bland and repetitive, with many buildings and locations looking the same throughout the latter levels. The frame rate remains pretty much perfect for the single player missions thanks to an average draw-distance, however, there are patches of slow-down during multiplayer.skirmishes