Bratz 4 Real (Nintendo DS) Review

I'm probably sounding a bit harsh because I loathe the toys that spawned the movie that this game is based upon. I used to work in Toys R Us and I always used to dread being asked to cover C10 to C16, which was our girl's toy section, because the area is dripping in pure, unadulterated sexism. Now I'm not a feminist myself but girl's toys are socially engineering the entire female species to be subservient to their male counterpart, but at least they had morals unlike the Slutz – ahem – Bratz dolls we had in the aisles. I'd really like to know if the persons who came up with the idea of marketing dolls that looked like hookers to six year old girls actually have daughters themselves and whether or not social services have paid them a visit.

As you can probably guess that after the game has been placed in the rather macho hands of this reviewer that has nothing but venom and bile for this franchise, it’s facing a rather steep, uphill struggle. In fairness to THQ, Bratz 4 Real is making better progress up that hill than the chav-filled Corsa 1.1 trying to get to Tesco to pick up a copy of Need for Speed: My Front Bumper Is Making Mountains Out Of Speed Bumps. The main problem for me when reviewing this game is remembering that it wasn't designed for the likes of me. I've got twenty years of gaming experience behind me, gaming is my hobby and I've even completed the first level of Sonic on the Megadrive in twenty five seconds (trust me, that's hardcore). This game wasn't designed for that type of player; this game was designed for the type of player that is unfortunate enough to think that Bratz dolls are suitable toys for an eight year old.

The game is undeniably mundane, the tasks (chores to us) are very simplistic and are generally constrained to go find this person and go buy this item. The game is almost entirely made up of go fetch missions, it even gets to the point of being pedantic. Tim tells you that he needs a makeover for his date, you say you'll find someone, you find said person and in this instance we'll call her Jane. She agrees to do this task for Tim but instead of telling Tim herself she asks you to do it. Now this wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that they are both on opposite sides of the map and if it was a one-off but it isn't, it’s a very common occurrence and it’s a very tedious common occurrence. These bouts of tedium are broken up by mini-games and an ‘action’ dream segment. The action segment is particularly weird because I still don't quite understand how it works. I've read the instruction book and the method of freeing the trapped school children is not the same way it describes it in the book and if you happen to die, you get another go. Fail it a second time and you get an “oh no I failed” message and the game progresses as normal. It’s all rather pointless because the storyline for these dream segments don't even fit into the plot for the rest of the game.

The mini-games are the game's main saving grace because, as much as the rest of the game grated on my nerves, I'm rather ashamed to admit that I liked them. There are only a handful but they play like Wario Ware: small quick reaction and memory games where you aren't told the basic controls. Well, except for the fact that some of the games are a little more complex than a Wario Ware game which can make them infuriating, especially the flower arranging which not only requires you to drag and drop the flower into a vase but to also catch the flower mid free-fall and place it into the vase, or else it'll fall in front of it.

There's also a second problem I've got with reviewing the game and that's with regards to the presentation. The graphics are basic, lack definition, the camera is a nightmare at times and in all the graphics could be considered plain crap – but it’s also colourful, keeps to the art style of the franchise and works. The sound is bloody nuts, in the game there're a few small FMVs taken straight from the movie which sound as perfect as you can get through the DS' speakers. The sound effects and music are pretty and inoffensive, it’s just that they are missing something. No, I literally mean they are missing something; one of the three main maps, the mall, has no music at all. There's some lovely bird chirping and the beautiful sound of rushing water coming from the fountain but no background music whatsoever. After some of the cutscenes the music and sound effects just don't start for no apparent reason. Written dialogue is often repeated and/or said by the wrong person to the wrong person but luckily due to the lack of differing characters it doesn't make the blind bit of difference.

In all, the game lacks depth, higher standards of quality, plot, character development and all of the other things we as gamers take for granted in games, but then again this game is aimed at a demographic who don't even know what character development is, can't spell plot due to failing literacy standards and quite frankly couldn't give a monkey’s about that list. It has Bratz on the box, it’s playable, has mini-games, has interactive customizable dolls, and it even has a pet you can look after. That's all they are looking for and this game panders to that outlook.

This is exactly where the review becomes unstuck. Based on the critique above this game should have a final score more in line with Ys Strategy and Biker Mice from Mars, both appalling games that were given final marks of zero and one respectively to show this. Bratz isn't deserving of that type of mauling though. Ys Strategy and Biker Mice from Mars were scored low because they were crap games even with regard to their designated audience. Bratz is bad by my standards and most likely yours as well, but it's not bad by the standards of its demographic, it's actually rather good. It's very faithful to the movie, which thankfully has better moral standards than the toys, it's not too hard or too long for the child's expected abilities. The tedium I experienced was from playing this in a five hour stint - a girl of that age isn't going to have the attention span to play a game for five hours, and the mini-games and doll-dressing are good enough to drag their attention away from the main game and keep them occupied. Quite simply I wouldn't buy it and I'd be worried if any male looking for a game for themselves got past the Bratz logo on the front of the box to look at the description on the back. On the other hand if you have a young daughter/sister/niece/etc. who's got a DS and she is bored of Nintendogs then this would make the perfect Christmas present. So while the score breakdowns reflect the game being reviewed on its own merits compared to other games the final score is based on its value to a young female child, which is why it's marked higher than expected.