Dino Dini's Kick Off Revival (PC) Review

Dino Dini's Kick Off Revival is a top-down, arcade football game, and that's about it. No detriment to the overall package; it's kind of a nice sentiment. In a time where football games generally aim for the highest degree of realism, both visually and when it comes to physics, having a fun little arcade game to play where you can pick up and go is a pleasing idea. Where did it go off the rails, then?

To start with, the game is visually bland. It attempts to capture some of the charm of the original title and similar games of the era. Instead of what is supposed to be the crowd in the stands, though, it looks like pieces of paper with different coloured shapes on it, whilst the players on the field kind of look like the character pieces for the physical version of The Game of Life. It's underwhelming, and thanks to the characters all looking like the same person in different coloured outfits, it's extremely easy to lose track of who you are.

The gameplay shows some promise - at least in theory. The joystick controls players, and the Cross button handles commands. Depending on how you move the stick and how long your press is, the player performs different movements. This sort of simplistic control scheme really drives home the idea that this is an arcade game.

Then it becomes painfully clear that the controls don't really work. They don't respond sometimes, and when they do respond, a lot of times they just do what they want. While trying to score a goal, the ball just goes in whatever direction it feels like. When throwing the ball back into play, the goalie will occasionally lob it forward, or just kind of drop it in front of himself. During a penalty shootout, there is little indication of when control has been switched from taking a penalty to then attempting to save one with the keeper.

This wildly inconsistent gameplay isn't helped by the absolutely atrocious tutorial. The player is given the ability to scroll through a list of options, reading how to perform moves and then getting to practice them. A picture of the joystick and Cross button is included in these explanations, but do little to accurately explain how to perform the move.

The exercise is equally absurd, though it shows hints of promise by making the player perform the move in a predetermined space. This forces the player to get better at the move, but all too often just figuring out what the tutorial wants of you is more trouble than it's worth.

What's more depressing is that even when the controls seem to make sense, even when every kick actually works, and the game gels together into what it was meant to be, Dino Dini's Kick Off Revival still isn't very much fun. These functioning moments are fleeting, and again, the ball flies off out of bounds when you meant to pass it to a nearby player, or trying to shoot a goal turns into a slide for no reason whatsoever. It's hard to tell, honestly, if the controls just don't work, or so much pressure is placed on the joystick and the Cross button that mastering the controls is just too difficult.

This isn't a question one should have to ask, though, and it contributes to the real problem here: Dino Dini's Kick Off Revival just doesn't feel finished. Perhaps more polish, perhaps more time in the oven was needed. Since this already came out on other systems, it's hard to imagine why it still feels so broken.