Haydee (PC) Review

Say what you will about some parts of the West, and especially "The Land of the Free," but it has some serious issues with sexiness. Thankfully, Haydee Interactive is a Russian developer, and people over there like their women e-x-t-r-a curvy, and their media are far from afraid to show it. The titular character can simply make the sexiest of video game characters blush, with booty more epic than the whole Elder Scrolls franchise, and a pair of jiggling boobs that barely lose the golden medal from Conker's Bad Fur Day's Sunflower's bosom.

Haydee doesn't just walk, but catwalk. Haydee doesn't just crouch, she bends and shoves her majestic peach behinds in your face. Yes, Haydee doesn't have a face (and she is imaginary), but, hey, you can't have everything, right? Those expecting the gameplay portion of this title to be just an excuse to enjoy some good ol' T&A, however, are in for quite the rude awakening. This isn't NekoPara Vol.1, Sakura Swim Club, or Senran Kagura: Shinovi Versus. This is Dark Souls with bewbs! On steroids!!!

Yes, it's actually much harder than FromSoftware's RPG torture-o-rama. This strange facility she'll have to escape from is nothing less than a series of rooms filled with some pretty unforgiving tests of skill. Jumped too soon? Death. Fell from two freaking meters? Death. Pushed the wrong button? Death. Took too long (more than three seconds) to headshot the enemy? Irritating death. Strangely enough, it's a fun ride, but it surely needs a certain kind of gamer to enjoy such relentless difficulty - and, no, the softcore/hardcore modes only alter the challenge, not her wardrobe.

Haydee manages to seamlessly mix multiple genres, but while it looks like a third-person shooter (and it surely is one), it mostly revolves around platforming and puzzle-solving, which are usually combined, in the sense that finding where to jump can frequently become a puzzle in itself, especially since our busty heroine's health can get decreased quite rapidly from falling even from the lowest ledge… which is a great way to teach extremely top-heavy lasses to avoid wearing high heels before setting off for an adventure.

Note, however, that, from the action to the puzzles, don't expect any hand-holding. Haydee is 101% old-school when it comes to that. You either learn the game on your own, or you don't. As an example, the (pleasant) item scarcity forces the lucky fellow behind Haydee's buttocks to avoid using them very often (not the buttocks, fools!), make every single bullet count, and, most of all, avoid saving too often, since doing so requires using a consumable item - which also means that saving after wasting precious resources is unwise.

There are various little flaws here and there, like how there are only two enemies available, how it all starts to feel a bit monotonous (or hard) after a while, or how you can sometimes mess up a jump for no apparent reason. The worse thing, however, is how the camera behaves. While technosexuals will love being so close to such an android, the camera should definitely be a few steps further back, because the game world is quite claustrophobic, making lots of battles extremely annoying, since Haydee tends to obstruct the view way too often (yay?).

Part of the fun derives from the overall mood offered here, something aided by the audio-visuals. Our sexy girl is the star, yet the oversimplified, Portal-like design of this strange facility has a unique charm of its own. Furthermore, and while many will find it hard to believe it, Haydee can almost be spooky at times. Besides the non-obtrusive, ambient music, the only thing that the player will get to hear is the heroine's heels… and nothing else, giving it all an almost Silent Hill vibe - and wait to see those parts where she must put on her night vision goggles.

Like with Dark Souls, one of this title's main inspirations, exploring new territory can be quite the tense experience. The unforgiving challenge will make you be in the moment every moment, scanning your surroundings for any sort of movement, and ready for pretty much anything. Another nice similarity with Soulsbourne games, however, is the cryptic nature of the "plot," which, to be honest, is even more so than those, since there's only a handful of clues for gamers to ponder on… and it's awesome!!!