I'm not feeling good

Posted 19.09.2009 18 2345

Hey there - First blog,
In this blog I will tell you about something. I don't know you at all, but I just need to get this out before I regret. If you take a look at my username, all this may not be a huge surprise. iSuicide, get it? I am suicidal.

Since January I had a depression and thoughts of suicide. I stopped doing my homeworks at school. I stopped joining my friends birthdays and other important things. Around the exam I could not take it. My parents, the rest of my family and teachers expected, that I would make it good and consist everything. I was so stressed, and I was dissapointed about my parents and some of my friends, that they could not see how pointless this was. I didn't care about anything, and noone could see my point of view. Meanwhile I started cutting myself, and I was ready to take my life. I saw myself as a outsider, diffrent from everyone else , who didn't belong here. But my mom saw my scars after three weeks, and since then I have a meet with a psychologist once a week.. I suppose it's helping in some ways, but I can't feel it. When someone asked about how I was feeling, I just answered "I'm fine. Everything is getting better". But it's not, and they think I'm happy again.. But to be honest I can't remember how it is to be happy.

I'm still cutting myself. It gives me a feeling of peace while I do it and some time after. And I'm still having thoughts of suicide, wich is getting more and more attractive for me.

Life is a prison. Suicide may just be my way to escape.

I'm sorry if all this became a little confusing. I wanted to write it fast, so I could not regret it. And I'm sorry if blogs like this is not allowed on Cubed3.

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